well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
