Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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