I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
