Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize