My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
