She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
