You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am full of burrito and curiosity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
