the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
