they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
