Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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