it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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