you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
