Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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