ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
