I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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