Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize