His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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