So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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