I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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