farters have to be the big spoon...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
