I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
