Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
