Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
