I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
