What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
