i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
