gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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