I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
