Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize