did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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