so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
