You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
