The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
