he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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