If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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