If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
