last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
