You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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