do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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