and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
