i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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