He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize