it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
