hotel room ftw
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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