You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
