Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
third nipple confirmed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
