6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
