Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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