watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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