Everything about him screamed your future.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
