life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
