I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
