By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
