Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
