He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You need Xanax blowdarts
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
