dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
