Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
