The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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