According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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