she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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