And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
