woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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