so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize