The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
