summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
