at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
