His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
